Renate

Her name was Renate, as some of you figured out last week. We’ll probably see some more of her in Stefen’s memories later on but that’ll be it. I hope you guys aren’t terribly disappointed.

For the curious ones – in the written original she never got a name and was just a simple nurse who bandaged Robert’s arm. She was later on mortally wounded in the attack, Robert found her in the morning… Still conscious and numb from the pain. She asked him to quicken her passing. Which he did.

I obviously changed that part a lot. Robert’s character is a bit different now, that kind of scene wouldn’t fit his development and I also believed that kind of thing is far too heavy after a rather silly beginning of this story, where we made some magic, ran around the place and complained about the military not doing the job properly. It seemed too out of place and would damage the character too much. So I let her die alone.

Renate – a researcher, Dr Stefen’s personal assistant, secretly dreaming about finding a decent boyfriend among those thugs in uniforms (a wish that hadn’t come true even though she worked for more than 5 years for the military, a picky lady, she was), died on the 93rd page of Chapter 1. May she rest in peace.

 

17 comments on “Renate”

  1. NiWo21k Reply

    The last panel is one of your best (i cant say this often enough) – it works in every way.
    Its just such a sad ending for her 🙁

    Its always interessting to hear how things changed over the course of time, in this case how the story changed with time.
    To be honest, i think the way its now works a little bit better – if you still used something like “please help me and free me from suffering” it wouldnt be that effective, because its now everywhere in books, movies etc. If you something too often it just looses the impact it should have, and i am glad you wrote the story the way that there are no words so that the effect on the characters is more severe.

    And i love how this scene is continuing.

  2. SKy Reply

    Okay, it’s not easy to give me the feels – but this…? Q-Q
    Now if you wanted to finish me off, Stephen would quietly pick up her glasses and keep them in his chest pocket as a memento.

  3. Lone Wanderer Reply

    Maybe she’s still alive? Y-yeah! I mean, just shove thos- her internal, uh.. small- or is that large? Just shove her intestines back in, an-and uh.. Like, just move the skin back together with your hand, and put some- uh.. Some nice super glue on it, just- just a whole bunch- just a WHOLE bunch’a’it, like… like a good palm sized glob because tha-that stops the-th-the bleeding and stuff, right? Or if that’s not, like.. Right on hand, maybe some uh.. Needle and thread? Duct tape? Yeah, that’s sure to help her until she can get some real-

    Ah, who am I kidding, exposed organs shows she was a red shirt from the start.

    • NiWo21k Reply

      “…exposed organs shows she was a red shirt from the start.”
      Hey she was more than a red shirt – she did something and was – at least for Stefen – an important person 🙁
      A red shirt is only there to be killed off without anyone realy noticing and commenting – just for a shock second.

  4. ForlornFoe Reply

    No wonder she never made it to the cast page…

    This non-glorified sudden death is very fitting. Great job delivering it in a silent, sad moment. And the sun keeps shining, birds keep chirping…

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