Vermillion hair like alder burning

Portals blue as the storm wrought sea

Her secrets sweet forbidden learning

Her silent heart denied to me

My fool’s passion madly yearning

           – by Dakoit Wuther (darkwithout)

4 comments on “***”

  1. Refugnic Reply

    I actually liked this one. It has a sense of sadness and that bittersweet taste of unrequited love to it.
    Fun to watch, a pain to be in I imagine.

    Though the last line kinda sticks out like a sore thumb, having to share it’s rhyme with line 1/3…but then again, that was the entire point, wasn’t it?
    From the form, it is reminiscent of a limerick, albeit this one is neither funny, nor does it follow that rule of ending with a poignant comment about the person described in the first line…but who I am kidding, this isn’t an English class and I liked it, so there. ‘Nuff said. 🙂

    • Refugnic Reply

      Yeah, but you that’s an uneven number of As! How could you do that to the poor line, forcing it to be the third wheel! 😛

  3. Boom Reply

    Thus is amazing it hints at an almost regretful state of mind for feelings towards her. Keep up the great work.

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